On why Christmas should be in February

It's the middle of January, and the winter doldrums are setting in. I have a plan to end those cold-weather blues forever! 

Now hear me out. From what I understand, nobody is quite sure when Jesus was born, though summer is the best bet from what I’ve heard. That would make sense, when you think about all those people travelling around to register for the census. Why do that in the winter, right? It would be cold, and those people all wore sandals all the time. Not exactly snow shoes, right?

So right now, we’ve got Christmas in December, probably to fit in with a pagan holiday the early church was attempting to use to help pagans convert less painfully to Christianity.

(I’m prepared to be theologically shot down on all this, believe me!) 

So moving Christmas wouldn’t be that big a deal, theologically, anyway, right? And I’m betting merchants will love the idea, too!

Here’s my argument for a February Christmas. Fall already rocks. You’ve just come off summer, and then skated through the fun of Halloween and the celebrations (in the U.S. and Canada, anyway) of Thanksgiving. We don’t really need another big holiday right on the heels of those two. Not to mention New Year’s Eve and Day, the biggest date night of the year followed by the biggest sales day for folks in the corned beef business of the year.

I propose that we stretch things out a bit. Share the holiday wealth, so to speak. We should move Christmas to February. I’m thinking mid-February, so as not to interfere with Groundhog Day. Yeah, Valentine’s Day and President’s Day will have to be moved, but that shouldn’t be a problem. We can stick President’s Day in June. Nothing big happens then. And Valentine’s Day can move to March or April, rotating around based on when Easter is each year. The pink hearts and Easter Eggs will look good together. 

This way, the stores won’t be flooded with Christmas decorations during the Halloween and Thanksgiving seasons. Instead, we can start looking at Christmas shortly after New Year’s Day. It’ll be great for merchants! Think how they’ll be able to extend their prime selling season. It’ll be October through February, rather than through December!

And it’ll help us all get through the long, northern winters. The way it is now, we seem to jump from summer to January, leaping from holiday to holiday in a festive frolic and then, suddenly, slamming up against the wall of winter with nothing to look forward to for months on end. Be honest . . . who among us gets a real valentine after the age of 25? (I don’t want to hear from you smug people who do. The question was rhetorical!)

If we move Christmas to mid-February, then when the lights come down and the carols stop playing, it will be nearly spring.
Anybody can make it a few weeks into March. That brutal January – March stretch is a killer.

And we can get the groundhog people on board by appointing their favorite, hibernating mammal Santa’s new helper. Yuletide Yertle, the Christmas Groundhog, who holds Santa’s bag when he’s going down the chimney! Think of the possibilities for Yuletide Yertle books, television specials, action figures and stuffed dolls. Why should reindeer get all the action? 

Finally, schools and parents will be on board with this plan, because it allows them to hold Santa over little kids’ heads from September until February, ensuring their good behavior in school and at home months longer each year!

Oh, yeah. This could work.

Let’s get our clergy working on this for us. I figure with enough enthusiasm we can have Christmas moved by next winter!