I, however, am not one of these. So over decades of research, I've come up with some tried and true methods of appearing to do housework, while actually taking it pretty easy. I will now share them with you, grasshopper, so that you may benefit from my years of experience.
The trick is to create the illusion of Hard Work . . . and some actual results, while not actually working very hard at all. Don't worry. Nobody gets hurt. Here are five things you can do to pull this off.
1. The Illusion: You are working very hard on your computer! You must not be disturbed!
How to pull it off: Sit with your computer on your lap, frowning seriously and typing industriously in fits and spurts, while mumbling under your breath from time to time. People will assume you are working on something very important, such as banking, or perhaps your will. To promote this belief, smile occasionally and nod, while saying, "Yes! (Your Child's Name Here) loves that. He'll appreciate it more than (Name of Child Who Isn't in the Room Here).
The Reality: You have a second window open, and are playing Candy Crush Saga.
2. The Illusion: You have been slaving over laundry ALL DAY!
How to pull it off: Sit on the floor in your living room, a large pile of clean clothes in a pile to your right, and four or five piles of clean, folded laundry on your left. (Some pre-work is required here.) Be sure to include a pile of socks, some lumped up, others balled, to one side. Whenever anyone comes into the room, (and they won't often, for fear of being sucked into the folding project,) groan and grumble about being appreciated.
The Reality: You have a good book in your lap, and a cup of coffee on the floor next to you. Whenever you're alone, you're leaning back on the chair, reading and sipping latte.
3. The Illusion: You have spent the morning scrubbing floors.
How to pull it off: Remember the Swiffer Wet Jet post of the other night? If not, go back and review! You spend about 15 minutes running that baby over your floors (which you have to sweep, I'm afraid,) and then they'll gleam and, best of all, the house will smell freshly scrubbed. Complete the look with a pair of grubby sweats. Don't shower. Leave your hair straggly. You'll look as if you put in a full, scrubby day!
The Reality: After putting in that hard 15 minutes, you've been watching soaps all morning.
4. The Illusion: You are prepared for unexpected visitors at any time, because your house is always clean!
How to pull it off: The phone rings. Your mother-in-law is in town, and surprise! She's coming over -- okay? Sure! Tell her you'll put the coffee right on! You look around: Uh, oh. The dishes are piled in the sink. The carpets haven't been swept. The bed isn't made. Is that cat barf on the floor??
And yeah, she'll notice.
No problem! The dishes go into the oven, the dishwasher, the dog cage (cover it with a quilt!) The bed can be made pronto by tossing the coverlet over the rumpled sheets and smoothed. Fluff those pillows! And you can run that vacuum cleaner over the main rugs in under five minutes. Maybe you have time to squirt the Swiffer on the bathroom and kitchen floors, for that just-cleaned scent. Mmmmmm. Within 10 minutes, you're mom-approved. Just give her a big hug, and lead her to a chair. She must be tired! She deserves coffee!
The Reality: You're a slob. But people don't need to know this. Learn some fast tricks to trick your friends, and you'll be all set to spend your mornings not cleaning, but reading your favorite books, drinking coffee, and maybe watching re-runs of "Golden Girls." Quality activities!
5. You spent the entire afternoon cooking a fabulous meal for your loving family. You rock!
How to pull it off: Set a lovely table. It's easy. Pretty place mats, clean plates, nice centerpiece and presto! Atmosphere! When it's time for dinner, call them in and have them sit down together. You should do this several times a week, even though everyone is busy busy busy. It's a good time to find out what's going on in the lives of your kith and kin. Think of it as softening them up to learn their secrets.
You need to put a meal in front of them consisting of at least three, separate elements: The main dish; two side dishes; dessert. You can use meat or pasta for the main, or soup if you please. For the sides, any veggie will do, maybe bread or rolls . . . and don't forget that old standby, applesauce! In fact, any fruit will be welcome. Dessert is optional if you've served three things. And put out a pitcher of milk or water. Skip the pop. We're all fat enough, right?
The Reality: It may look as if you've cooked for hours, but it's pretty easy these days to put a nutritious meal in front of your family without actually slaving for hours. Got a crock pot? That's a great way to make a huge variety of tempting meals, easy peasey lemon squeezy, all in one, fell swoop. Just toss in the meat and veggies . . . you've got a roast! Or ham, cabbage and potatoes! Or beef stew! The possibilities are endless. Or cook up a mess of noodles and then toss them into a casserole dish with any meat or fish, add some cheese and seasoning, and yummo! Tuna Noodle; Johnny Marzetti; Hamburger Helper. . . etc. etc. etc.
See how easy it all is? So don't bust a gut making a happy house. Make your house happy, and take it easy, for Pete's sake! They'll think you've slaved all day, and they'll be grateful. You'll be relaxed and happy, and they'll be grateful. Win, win!
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